My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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