I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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