if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
