Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
honey bunches of taint.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
