note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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