my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
