She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
