He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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