am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
