C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
