Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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