Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Boobs speak an international language.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
