I want to stick my p in your. b.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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