last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
