I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Someone came in the potted fern
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
