Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
