I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
