Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
