ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
