I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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