i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
