In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
