I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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