ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wish my penis had a tongue
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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