If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
