I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
