you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
