I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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