we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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