Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
