I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
