FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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