a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
