maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
