dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
