I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
