I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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