Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
