I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have fence marks all over my body
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