I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
