I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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