I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
