literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
