Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
