he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
