no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
this will be a night to untag.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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