I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
