the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
