Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Randomize
