things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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