Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
